VedicVerses

Poem: What do you see?

2011-05-06T22:28:00.000-04:00

What do you see
When you look at me?
Can you see through
My vain attempts
At concealing
My uncertain
Faltering courage?
Can you sense
How I seek
Approval
Despite every rational
Bone in my body?

What do you see
When you look at yourself?
Do you see as I see
Your every vulnerability?
The story unfolding
Before my eyes
In so many unspoken
Sensibilities?

Do I really know you
As well as I do
Without ever knowing you?
My soul like a sponge
Absorbs every imagined emotion
Twists and turns with you
For no reason other than
You remind me of me
Not so long ago

Can the universe
Really be
Such a small space?

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: Vulnerable

2011-05-06T22:26:00.001-04:00

Not old but not so young
Experienced now
Mature perhaps
Been there done that
More to do
But have a game plan now
No blindfolds, no rose tinted glasses
Proven strengths
Known weaknesses
Not a quitter
Learned when to give up
Bruises earned
Knowledge reaped
Game-face on
Playbook at the read
Prepped to take on
The next challenge...

And yet
The heart is so
Vulnerable

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: The Great Escape

2011-05-05T21:15:00.000-04:00

Run, run, run
She tells me to run
Pull a turtle
Hide in your shell
Dig, dig, dig
Bury your head in the sand
Fly, fly, fly
Oh fly away

Sing, sing, sing
Sing your lonely tunes
Cry, cry, cry
Cry in your room
Flee, flee, flee
Looks like a rough road ahead
Be, be, be
Anyone but you

Sniff, sniff, sniff
I wipe my face on my sleeve
Swish, swish, swish
Dust off the lint from my skirt
Clap, clap, clap
Urge my spirits to lift
Crush, crush, crush
Crush thoughts of defeat

Turn, turn, turn
Face the girl in the mirror
Flex, flex, flex
See how her muscles flex!
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh
Breathe in resolution
Hold, hold, hold
I give myself a hug

Love, love, love
Think of them that love me
Call, call, call
Even the voicemail is a friend
Think, think, think
Of the goofy smiles and happy times
Win, win, win
This battle inside my head

Far, far, far
Her voice now sounds far away
Fade, fade, fade
Let the ache fade to naught
Run, run, run
At the door that locked me in
Free, free, free
I make my great escape

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: Commitment

2011-04-10T16:59:00.002-04:00

Asked the flower to the bee:
Remember the promise you gave to me?
Have you ever made a promise
That you could really keep?
No excuses and no games
No weepy stories, nothing lame
Just a promise, that you did keep?

With a smirk, said the bee:
Such commitment is not for me
My happy spirit, must be free
To fall in love
To see the world
To dream many dreams
To be a wanderer

Commitments are contracts
With unsaid terms
You may change them
At any given turn
A fork in the road
May justify
A broken promise or
A horrendous lie
Then will you pay the price
For a broken heart or for love's demise?

My simple truth
Is all I have to give
Call it commitment
If it helps you believe

Bidding adieu to the flippant bee
Smiled the flower knowingly
Tethered they were in some mysterious way
That would bring the bee back the very next day

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: Moving On

2010-12-30T10:36:00.000-05:00

Packing up fond memories
Checking messages one last time
Organizing experiences into neat piles
For future reference
Funny knots tickle at my throat
Threatening silly tears
I hate overdone farewells
Lingering is no good
Don't want to overstay my welcome
Did I pack it all?
Have I said it all?
Yes and yes
In this way, we move on...

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: My Friend

2010-12-27T09:44:00.000-05:00

It hurts to see you hurt
Feel guilt when I sense you struggle
I feel part and cause for some
Helpless about the rest
Worse because for me
This too shall pass

You know I'm the kind who feels
Because you feel
I am a responder
Emotions seldom begin with me
I am too caught up
In the wonder that is life
To dwell on
Romantic passions directed at a one
I'm forever in love
With everything
And nothing

Gossamer strands
Of faithfulness
Begin with me
To hold on to those I call mine
It is their bonds
That tether me to them
Their strength overcoming
My every weakness

All those years ago
I think I tried to explain
This facet of my artless soul
But how could I confess
That which I barely knew?
For I was - still am
On a journey of self discovery
As were - and are - you, I think?

My friend you are
And forever will be
An individual who shared
A part of my journey with me
What other constant
Is there to hold on to?
Who I am
Is who I would've been
No matter what outcome
Of the - now immutable - past
The one closest to me
Understood
And set me free

I am afraid
Of the definite but ephemeral
Pain, of the loss
I am bound to feel
When you realize
What I think you will realize
If you thought as I did
Felt how I felt
And for you too
This shall pass
And you will move on

I will miss you then
My friend

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: The heart is so heavy

2010-11-12T05:35:00.002-05:00

The heart is so heavy
Burdened, defeated
Self-esteem teetering
Between self mockery and self pride

Could I have been so wrong
About my contributions
Or lack thereof?
Do I really qualify as a pompous
Hollow shell of a person?
I thought I had substance
I thought I add value
I do still have those fleeting moments
Of self belief
But if results are all that matter
Which I was raised to believe also
Then I must not be
That person that I see
With my mind's eye

The heart is so heavy
So steeped in self pity
The invites are out
Sent to all corners of my mind
For a pity party I organized
Just for myself

How do I measure
What gauge to use?
This constant feeling of being under appreciated
The whole world couldn't be so wrong
It must be me, my perspective
Feel like I'm floating in some sort of matrix
Of antonymous/synonymous views of myself

Maybe its just a lesson learned
Why shouldn't I fail sometimes
Me, someone who's got everything anyone could want
Why shouldn't I fail sometimes
Maybe its just a lesson learned

Most lessons are a journey
You think back to this time
And you feel proud
For getting over that hump
Will I feel proud in the future
Or will I still agonize over being a failure?

Glimpses of the other guy's perspective steal into view
But why should I empathize? Does he empathize with me?
Maybe he has it worse, but still
Defriending on FB is my only escape from the hurt
From this desolation

I know I'll move on and never look back
But I'm too old now to writhe in such pain
And survive unscarred and un-embittered

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: Bridges

2010-10-24T17:54:00.001-04:00

Two river banks
Make an argument
Ripples of thoughts
Laced with feelings so tense
Colliding with each side
To great consequence
Till battered and bruised
Is each embankment

But where there is a river
There is a bridge to mend

Between two ridges
Deep chasms may breed
Birthing passive resentment
Or a darker abyss
That consumes pebbles of hope
With a silent, deathly kiss
Embracing all that is anguish
By unspoken decree

But where there is a chasm
There is a bridge to mend

When a man is an island
Surrounded by his past
Drowning in an ocean
Of regret that will last
His fate is sealed
His hurt never heals
Trapped by the gamble
Of a die that he cast

A bridge to such an island
Is a fool's bridge indeed
Destroyed in an instant
By the man's burning need
To remain an island
To remain in pain
To writhe in agony
To be driven insane

No
Some bridges are best burned
Never mended

(c) VedicVerses

Poem: Epitaph

2010-04-17T02:01:00.004-04:00

Callous is when you're not careful about my feelings; selfish is when you forget I have them
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

shh, listen
did you hear?
just a little voice
ringing clear
hush! quiet!
prick up your ears
there's a melancholy
meandering near
hear that cringing soul
that joyous laugh
its the words you'll want
on my epitaph
now will you try
to lend a ear?
listen hard
its loud and clear
its a silent scream
its a shattering
of a soul, a dream
are you listening?

a crescendo that
you never heard
so oblivious
yet you say you cared
I believe you
I'll take your word
don't worry love
now don't be scared
its not the end
not judgement day
all it is, is you
and your way
I'm but a pawn
the world your chess-game
I'm gone
and now its yours to tame

me and my voices, we
have moved on
with kindred spirits
that sing along
just ashes now we are at last
buried deep, unheard, is our gurgling laugh
now a part, of something vast
lying underneath a quiet epitaph

(c) VedicVerses

Poem: A trip back home

2009-12-23T22:21:00.002-05:00

He walked with me
Down the path of my memories
Those ill-marked streets
And dusty roads
Where the goats made friends
With uninterested strays*
And old schools stood tall
Behind new gates

We walked apart
In reverence to the place
Yet closer than today
In the place we called home

*strays = stray dogs

Poem: A Eulogy

2009-12-15T20:56:00.002-05:00

I knew you but a little
I knew you more through him
His softened heart
His belligerent faith
His every little whim

I loved you yet
I loved you more for him
His simple ways
His stubborn face
His ambitions and his dreams

I owe you much
I'm indebted to you for him
His virtue and
His loving hand
His candor when things are grim

If I had more time
I’d spend it on
Just loving you for you
I’d be your friend
Not just a relative
I’d learn so much from you

I would sing you songs
And read you tales
The kind you liked to read
Of dragon wars
And Harry’s trials
Of the yeomen’s love for mead

Time’s not on my side
And I’ll regret
All the things I never did
I gave you nothing yet
You’ve given me him
Knowing, makes it hard to breathe

He cried such tears
That would melt the cold
In any selfish heart
For the son he is
And the kind of man
I should’ve thanked you from the start

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Shallow Gal

2009-12-12T07:32:00.001-05:00

Lately, it seems, I am readily and easily embarrassed by depth and sensitivity. Be it my own or someone else’s. Brooding and mulling over life’s many faces, layers and nuances are a thing of the past. Nowadays, soon as I think a thought, I feel I must speak it out loud – else I risk becoming serious, deep and dull.

What is it that frightens me about feeling, being taken over by emotions and thoughts? Why is it that I feel fragile and unable to process anything but the shallowest of sentiments?

I am beginning to realize how bendable one is when really young. Passion could twist and turn my insides, and I’d still regain my original shape like a new piece of memory foam. But now, that twisting and turning leaves lasting marks all over. Not pleasing at all.

Maybe its how we process pain as we grow older. The time it takes to heal from ever strike, is time that could’ve been spent on some mundane chore or performing some unimportant task that suddenly becomes the raison d’etre for your existence.

Maybe its not about being dull and boring. Maybe I’m shallow because I’m too inflexible and old to process pain effortlessly.

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: I am what I am

2009-12-01T15:04:00.002-05:00

I am what I am
That's why I am me
Sometimes I am you
Sometimes I am she

Today I am the one
Who sees things a certain way
Today I am dark as the night
Tomorrow I am the day

When I was with you
I was, who I believe I am
The way I am with another
Is also me I claim

It is not my intention to lie
I am simply more than one thing
I am what I experience
I am what I believe in

I live in the moment for I
Have not seen tomorrow
But in every moment I own
I am me down to my marrow

I don't mean to mislead
Nor am I schizophrenic
Its not a disease, its a quirk
Part systemic, part endemic

I am not one but all
Accept it, let it be
For I am what I am
That's why I am me

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: The Bard

2009-11-30T17:17:00.001-05:00

I am no story-teller
I am at best a bard
I can serenade and croon
Sing a song, hum a tune
All in a leotard!

But I am no story-teller
I can tell no lie
Call it magnified imagination
Telling tales or recitation
They're talents for which I vie

I am no story-teller
I am at best a bard
My words are simply comprehensible
Clearly lucid and irreproachable
Not obdurate or hard

Story-telling is a journey
I prefer destinations
Get to the point, A to B
Winding roads aren't for me
To meander is an abomination

Give me a verse, give me a rhyme
A husband, a lover or a valentine
Throw me some pain and a hurt or two
I'll whip up a ballad just for you

I'll make your soul cringe and your heart cry
All it takes is a requiem or a lullaby
I'll sing you a refrain, like you've never heard
But I'm no story-teller, I am at best a bard

(c) VedicVerses

Poem: Ageless

2009-08-16T10:59:00.002-04:00

Somehow
He and I
Take our time
To grow old;
Life is full
Love still new
And our time
Passes slow.

Years
Take our friends
To places
Unknown;
Homes are built
Children born
Experiences
Borne.

Sometimes
He and I
Stop
To reconsider;
Feel our skins
Touch our minds...
Are we ageless
Or greedier?

Some days
When I'm alone
And his mind
A stranger,
His steps
Seem to match mine
Deliberately
And slower.

Its true
I feel young
Still a child
Still growing.
And I hope
When he chose
He did so
Knowing

Since now
We are one
And together
Must be ageless;
Life will happen
It is written
While we remain
Timeless.

(c) VedicVerses

Poem: Companion

2009-07-22T11:47:00.002-04:00

Remembering my darling Dennis today. We miss you honey, you were such a treasure!

Companion
-----------------

His eyes commit treason
With every glance he steals,
Betraying the warm secrets of his heart...

Eyebrows twitching, traveling eyes -
Taking in every detail, this spy satellite!
Without a single movement of his head.

Hair cropped short, like a distinguished army man.
Ears alert like a black commando with a gun!
Though lean he wears
His clothes to advantage:
Impressing a dangerous creature
Lurking the depths of his sinews.

But for his button-nose
He might've looked severe,
What a runny nose too!He's a constant sniveler!

In the cold corners of the night,
I snuggle up to my companion;
The four-legged creature
Aptly called man's best friend!

(c) VedicVerses

Poem: All said and done

2008-06-19T06:27:00.009-04:00

Marriages for most people represent a maturing love. At least that's the hope. In a marriage after a period, emotions don't ebb and flow, but are existential - just part of being and living on a day-to-day basis. That is not to say those emotions aren't beautiful. But human communication hasn't evolved beyond words and actions. Communication isn't quite 3-D yet, is it? You can't share an experience of an emotion in an IMAX.

That's why I write so little these days - mature emotions, rational emotions are difficult to write about. And not half as exciting to read!

My rock
My unshakeable faith
Personified
My pulse
A measure of my spirit
Its human voice
My meter
A check for my conscience
Its reset button
My mirror
To check my balance
My confidence

Emotions are wonderful
Words are not
Articulate this effusion
And they fall short

Some truths sound commonplace
We can't escape that
My trust, your leap of faith
Take the form of this banal fact

All said and done
You. Are. The. One.

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: The green patch

2008-06-08T07:46:00.007-04:00

Take a minute or 5
Step away, rest your eyes
Doctor's instructions

Itch to 'facebook' as I break
Add the 'green patch' to my page
No! must follow directions

Put my head back and contemplate
Of 'stuff' to add and to update
The 'green patch'

And my mind wanders to a walk at 5 a.m. ...

A walk at 5 a.m.
Feeling grouchy and lame;
Demanding and needy
Pets are over-rated!

Stumbling along
Him pulling, I tugging
Breaking the silence
With my shrieked commands

Chiding myself
Reminding myself
45 minutes said the dog whisperer!

With that fire hydrant to my temper
Shrugging and settling into routine
He ambles, I drag my feet
And we do the usual beat

Early is quiet
Cool despite the summer
Birds already about
River is still
Is that an otter?
Are there otters in New York?

Tongue lolling (he's too happy!)
He turns to look at me
I can't help but smile
At his stupid face and its stupid gaiety
(Who am I kidding! He's a handsome brute!)

We walk to the sand bar
The still water yipping gently at its edges
A half-finished bottle of Pepsi
Bobbing up and down on the waves
This is as close as it gets to nature
In the big city

He chases geese
I stand and look
In the far distance
Sun peeping over the shoulders of the Empire State
Brooklyn is waking
Lady Liberty preened from a previous night's rain
One end to the other of the panoramic view
Made just for me

He's ready to go -
The fresh bite mark on my wrist does not lie
Back to his ambling and
My dragging of feet
But refreshed and ready
I plant one more sweet memory in my green patch ...

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: Nala

2007-09-17T22:39:00.001-04:00

the child in you
trusting, gentle, free
my wee love
asks so little of me
pounces, dances
stalks me patiently
playtime, mealtime
time as family

you've your life planned
around such little that is still
minutes, hours, days
you bend life to your very will
wrap your world within
that which you see by the sill
you've nothing and yet
with nothing you cavil

to be at peace perhaps
is not so big a feat
your valor lies indeed
in being the only heart
with room for all i can give

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Poem: A walk in the park

2007-07-08T21:12:00.001-04:00

Running out of things to do, I finally decided we’d be like Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts in Notting Hill and take a walk in the park. With him reading and me finally sitting down to do some writing.

Here’s the thing about Harshad and I – we were both mavericks when we were young. Unintentionally walking off the beaten track, we were both pretty cool in our school/college years. Still our bringing up was a la the Maharashtrian middle class, our values typical Kobra. As all well brought up gals and guys do in this niche of society, we married well and lived happily ever after.

Happily ever after is what we make of it. For the first time in some time, I’m stumped. I don’t know what to aim for, where next to take this happily ever after. Just the present ain’t bad – we’re sitting here, in a little peninsula of a park, overlooking the Hudson river and Liberty State Park. Better than any place I could’ve ever visualized myself in. But what’s the next place I want to be in? Dunno yet, still struggling with it.

One place I know I do not want to live in is this anxious place I’ve grown accustomed to. Always pushing myself to get elsewhere, to some place “nicer”, some place other than the present. Afraid of the “permanent”. Since I started making my own living, I’ve tasted avarice like never before. Constantly buying clothes, foods, gadgets – and then just as quickly getting tired of them, throwing them away. Never comfortable in my own shoes. That has got to stop.

And so I made a change today – I decided it was time for a walk in the park. For the both of us. Between him worrying about a nest-egg for forty years later, and me worrying that the second bedroom is too small for when my parents come visiting, we weren’t doing ourselves any good. The current present – him reading his book, me looking out at the water and pretending to be a serious writer – this is a good place to be, even if only for the next few moments.

A walk in the park

There’s that man sailing, strutting his skills on the water
And those four old spires of Ellis Island, faking the elegance of a Taj Mahal
There’s Lady Liberty and the old Jersey Train Terminal
Manhattan, Brooklyn all ending right here
At l’il ‘ol Paulus Hook

A gentle breeze, warm and cooling blows in my face softly
And I think, yes this is the life I thought I’d live, but never visualized…

I’m a big believer in visions
Was it Stephen Covey that said
You are what you envision,
What you aim for
Is what you become?
Maybe it was Lee Iacocca…
Either ways, I’m a big believer

And yet, this is not a place I could’ve imagined for myself
Or given myself credit for
Not that it is to my credit that I live here -
One of life’s surprising rewards
For just... living it

One reads of such things
One dreams of living in a place that has a name
But no face
And then life takes you there
And you wonder, if you had envisioned this
Where then would you be today?

Is life meant to be lived contentedly?
The very possibility makes me feel like a guilty child;
Compulsive avarice for living as much as I can
Has overtaken me -
As if I were terminally ill
But then, if I sleep tonight, will I really wake up in the morning?

Aai, you set me on this path of aspirations
I know you did not intend to make it my addiction
But there it is, I am addicted to moving on
Living my life as if I were caught up in a storm
And flapping my hands wildly about
Was the only means to survival

Y’know, one day I found that I couldn’t run anymore -
My legs could carry on, but my lungs would forget to breathe
Until I stopped to think about it
And voila, I could run again

Is that what I need to do with my life?
Just remember to keep breathing?
Just remember to take a walk in the park?
And enjoy a smug smile privately
For another bright vision I had had
That brought me here?

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Contentment

2007-03-25T18:48:00.002-04:00

When did Rucha stop and let life take over? Is this what they call contentment? And this is something I aspired for? How did I get here?

Lets start from the beginning …

Date something April 2004 – Just broke up with the guy who came to be known as my biggest mistake. You’ve heard this before, but I’ll repeat it once more. He was the one in my wide-eyed dream for whom I left behind the land of opportunities and returned to the homeland. As all young women in love do, I had the fanciful hopes that once I let him catch up with his intended success, I would once again get back on my destined path. Foolish? Yes. But also quite daring, and very me! Around the same time as the break-up two parallel transformations occurred – the first was a wild, emotional single woman with a mission to overcome the pain and the world along with it. The second began despite the first – this was a woman who craved stability and the standard chosen path of ambition and family.

May 2005 – I married. The first became the second and the two tranformations merged to make a very boring adult me. And that, I am told is called contentment. The old Rucha would have called it “letting life take over”, but whatever, I am content aren’t I?

Content in getting ready to make babies and make a $100000 at the end of two years. Content is when I can put away a long held dream of having a Husky for a pet companion, because I may not have the time from my career and husband to raise a pup, since we are really focused on buying a home for those babies we want to make. Content is when all my Rucha-like impulses must be thwarted because they freak out my husband’s delicate balance regarding our economic standing – since we are supposed to be saving money and time towards that house and babies.

Alright I know I sound a tad cynical, and like I really hate my husband. Most days I love him quite passionately – especially when he goes against his nature to pick our cat’s poop (since I just fell asleep on the couch). But sometimes, I just want to chew him up and really leave him bleeding and mauled. Not quite the contentment one would expect from the boring adult me. There are some men, who just don’t have clarity. My husband is not one of those. But then there are those who lack imagination, entirely. And that is him in a nutshell.

Ok, so I am not entirely devoid of blame. But I know this worked with Nala, the cat and it made me think it might work with the Husky too. Also, I really shouldn’t have asked to play with this gorgeous 8-week old Husky pup, with the black markings around ice blue eyes! Oh that puppy smell! I know it sounds insane, but if any perfume maker ever bottled that smell and sold it, I would gladly bathe in it everyday!!! ☺ So here’s the perfect pup at the local pet store – the dream Husky dog. Couldn’t we just buy her? We’ll figure out how to reschedule our not very filled calendar around her a little bit? Couldn’t we pleeeeeeeeease? And the answer – “Well, if you have maade up your mind about it, then you’re not really interested in my opinion, so sure.”

Right, of course. Yes, of course lets take a day to think about it. (Good manoeuver – got me out of the store real quick). The scene shifted to the living room an hour after – so what do you think? “Well, the brochure from the pet store says we can’t leave the pup alone. I work 9 hours, even though I work from home. I mean I can take her out and all that, but you work away from home. What is your commitment to the pup?” My commitment? I don’t know, I’ll have to figure it out. I mean I took care of Nala, didn’t I? I’ll figure it out. “But Nala is no work at all. It says in this brochure that the pup needs to go to tha bathroom every 5 hours. That it should not be left alone.” Well, it won’t be alone. You’ll be here won’t you? “Oh, but that project in Philadelphia… I won’t be at home much then.” (The Philadelphia project has been an excuse for everything since it was signed over 6 months ago!!) Ok, maybe we can get a dog walker… a dog day care. “We can’t afford those!!” Do you know what they cost? “Umm… not really. But I’m sure they’re expensive.”

My memory fades a little at this point – but if you got around all the noise, I think the next couple of hours were really filled with name-calling, emotional breakdown (mostly mine), tantrums (again me), sarcasm (oh, he had some interesting things to say here!!) and overall not quite the picture of contentment.

I’m not saying there’s no sense in what he’s saying. But really, do you detect any ounce of imagination? A will to make it work? I think its because he’s content with status quo – after all, isn’t contentment always about a steady state? Might as well be a sloth! I think we almost are….

A very rough ride

2006-11-12T15:16:00.000-05:00

No one said marriage was going to be easy. But what makes it so difficult?

What do you do – exactly how do you break the limbo when both involved believe in the superiority or worse still, righteousness of their own argument? Tough nut to crack that.

I don’t think we have quite broken out of that state of mind yet, where a woman’s in-laws are “now her family”, while the guy’s in-laws well, they are “her family”! What really raises my heckles is that every pot-shot taken at me is on account of reactiveness at one taken at him or his parents. Oh c'mon, get original will you? And if you think that's unfair, wait till you find out what I did to him!

At the end of the day though, is it all really worth it? Even marriage itself, is the momentary romance of “having found your soul mate” really worth losing your independence, your devil-may-care attitude towards life? And gaining of all that weight mind you? Why is it that a woman in a happy marriage puts on weight, while the man just becomes this attractively unavailable man with a gold band on his finger beckoning the Helen in all single women?

Oh I could rave and rant about all the ill marriage has done me. And it would take a while. But why then on most days does it feel like I finally got something right?

Beats me – all in all its just a very rough ride.

Et Tu, Zizou??!

2006-07-10T09:24:00.000-04:00

World Cup weighs heavy on the minds of all soccer fans today - and I mourn alongwith countless other French team fans.

To me Zizou has been a study in leadership and skill - especially since the 1998 World Cup that France won. I like watching sports and I always seem to pick a level-headed, rather colorless but highly skilled player for a favorite. Zizou being one of those. Of course, I wonder alongside millions of fans about what could've provoked him to throw away a chance to be a worshipped god-like figure post-retirement with that head butt. But I think the bigger question is - what happens next for Zizou? For the most part am sure its just going to be an interesting few months or a year for him and then right back on track. He's far too talented!

One point I'd like to make here - Zizou has made no statements about the comment from Materazzi that made him lose his cool, he's not going to play the blame game. I think that's good 'ol Zizou for all of us.

Besides... even heroes have the right to bleed.

Married Indian women can't have a life...

2006-06-19T22:45:00.000-04:00

Might hurt a few people mentioning this - but if they could look outside the "I", what a perfect study in human interaction some of my recent conversations with male friends would make!!

Here I am, married, settled - and immediately off the market. Well, of course I am - I am off the marriage market, just didn't think that was inclusive of "long interesting conversations with male friends". Now don't get me wrong, I love my sweetheart of a husband to death... but wait, does that mean I AM dead??

Let me back-track a bit. If you've ever read my blog before, you'll see my slow progression from singlehood to wedded life. It wasn't an easy road. But down that path, in my exploits, I met some amazing people, interacted with an interesting lot. Most of whom I connected with via my self-expression, my "vedicverses". There was one such interaction that started just before I met and married my soulmate. It started off well, through a couple of long emails, seemed to be going into the interesting realm of philosophy and debate... and then one day, I posted on my blog my happy tale of sudden and mind-blowing wedlock. The next day onwards, the emails trickled down to one, maybe two lines. I remember smiling wryly in my mind, and putting it away into that one little compartment in my head where I stuff all the ruddy memories of my life. But sometimes, things come back to you, and you wonder... "nothing really changes ever, does it?"

Growing up in a school where I never fit in, I tried making friends with some who just saw me as an eccentric gal with crazy ideas or a target for adolescent passions. Either ways, it meant ostracization for me - adolescence can be cruel, do you remember? I still can't bring myself to interact with that "yahoo group"... can never help being afraid of those unspoken judgements, being paranoid that someone is snickering, waiting for me to stumble and make a fool of myself. I grew up to meet some of that lot, who felt equally ostracized or alone in their school years, and yet when the time came to be different, turns out they were just the same born in the same flesh mirroring all they despised.

That's what makes us alone, doesn't it? The neediness, the dire craving to fit in?

For all my eccentricity, I am but an Indian married woman at the end of the day. Someone you can't debate with, discuss philosophies with... someone who just stepped over that threshold to a place where women can't have a life. Oh well, like I always say - C'est La Vie :)

Poem: Alone

2006-06-17T19:09:00.001-04:00

A firefly lights a spot
Two can light the same only brighter still;
Hope can float on little wings or
Glide us by,
Its but a matter of will

A star will sparkle in a darkened sky
Another one needn't be by
Yet a speckled dusting of glitter turns
A horror into a lullaby

A swanling swims in a swampy pool
Scorned and mocked by the duckling school
Until a honking white flock gathers near
Taking Ugly to the azure too

Why then are we not comforted?
Why then does alone prevail?

(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

Movers? No Pizza for you

2006-04-28T16:28:00.000-04:00

Don't ask me why... let me just say that the experience of having offered... well, stinks! :)

We're all moved in, still a bunch of unpacked boxes lying around. But it finally feels like home. And despite the apparent lack of interest men show in all things domestic, its just a big old sham! My husband loves the place, stares out all windows admiring the view, and missed the old place all of ONE minute! :)

Ok, I have a confession to make. I lost my temper rather viciously with him for a very small reason... and I feel very very bad for it. I may blame it on tiredness, and I was VERY tired too. But to be, well, honest, I think it was just a case of "Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely." Yep, in a-Snowball-of-George-Orwell-fame-way.

It happened like this: As the day wore on, I found my better half (I'll give you that only this time mind) depending more and more on me for all the decision-making. I felt powerful, and in the absence of sugar (chocolate), power rushed to my head. Fueled by "The Find" - a plastic bag filled with garbage, neatly stashed in one of the boxes packed by the perpetrator (my husband, for clarification, in case the story so far has befuddled your brains) - my rage came as a complete surprise to the poor, unsuspecting humanoid from Mars!

Oh come on! I feel bad enough. I definitely am owed a lousy excuse to be a steam kettle for all that hard work I put in! Aren't I??

God and moving apartments

2006-04-23T17:01:00.000-04:00

Alrite you got me... they really haven't got much to do with each other except for the fact that thinking about both is scheduled for me this week for completion by the weekend! :)

One's a theme for a read meet and the other an actual task...

Moving on: using my blog today as an excuse to e-ink with my new shiny apple laptop, my very first mac!! my candid exprience till date? I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!! :)

Good to know that apple is going the mass consumer way... for us lesser beings who are officially non-geeky and fat but still would love to be seen alongside a beautiful and slender Mac! (Yes I am smitten, can you tell??)

Except for the battery life no complaints so far.

Also the next beautiful thing scheduled for me is my new apartment... a dream home on lease for a year... we pay our entire salary towards the rent, but that's something I'd rather not admit to in public :D So this beauty of an apartment is right by the marina (I told my niece we can go fishing in our balcony next weekend, you can join us if you like!) and has a gorgeous view of the Lady Liberty. Ok so we'll probably enjoy the apartment for all of three spectacular summer months and then get grouchy about it all of winter (which equates to about 3/4ths of a year!) - not so much cos its unbearably cold (its not really) but cos I'll have howling windows by the bedroom window, and you know what howling winds can do to my alien invasion nightmares... yes, they just add the sound track to those little movie clips of my imagination. And being the-evil-breaker-of-neighboring-arms-while-watching-scary-movies-through-fingerly-gaps that I am, its really not cool :)

And yes the God thing, well its just that I have to write something around that topic for this meet thingie I have scheduled. I really hate the person who set me up for this... wait a minute, wasn't that person me?

Ok my new year's resolution, not to set myself up for things I know I will procrastinate doing. Now all I have to do is wait for December 31st to make it (the resolution)! :)

One-night stand

2006-03-13T13:54:00.000-05:00

morning comes
she stands akimbo
spewing wrath
at the mere hint
of weakness

in all aplomb
yet in limbo
for her free path
is strewn with the lint
of amorousness

her heart's aflutter
it spies an angel
amidst blissful snores
morning breath
smelly farts et al

the love-laced clutter
of her mind is in danger
as her spirit soars
in a lustful spate
only to fall

a welcome quagmire
beckons and embraces
sucking her in
to notorious places

after all she thinks
freedom is lackluster
until it goads
fettered passion to fester

(c) VedicVerses

Feminism defeated?

2006-03-07T09:38:00.000-05:00

March 7, 2006

Today – a day before the internationally celebrated International Women’s Day – is one of those many days when my highly opinionated feminist ideas of living are conveniently forgotten, for I want to chuck them aside for a moment just to look like the women at the Oscars. A Jessica Alba body would be nice, but then it may just be easier for me to achieve a Salma Hayek perhaps.

Its not so much about the lost cause of feminism as it is about the alarming rate at which one seems to put on weight in this god forsaken country!! So honestly, yeah you can't blame a country for my current size (I am almost the size of a country now) but I blame Coke... they lied. Diet Coke is not a supplement you can depend on when you're trying to go on a crash diet!

So I had to make the hardest decision of my life today - I must stop drinking coke, and begin to drink water when I'm thirsty as my forefathers did before my time!

P.S: Tea with three sugars and 2 creams is OK. After all baby steps is where its at!

Home of my dreams

2006-02-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

Typical human discontent, this couldn't be.

Everytime friends discuss buying a home, the options, the towns, the choices - my mind stops working, and I give a little sub-conscious shudder. Make a home here? Oh God NO! "But why not?" friends ask, "Don't you like New Jersey?" Well, of course the answer is no. No, I don't like New Jersey. But its not just that. This just doesn't feel like home... just doesn't feel like I could be Queen of my castle here, in this huge land of big opportunities.

Am I like Jhumpa's Ashima and Ashoke, just another first generation immigrant, who feels it her duty to be in touch with all things Indian? My mother would laugh at the mere idea... I stayed away from all things Indian even in India... Nothing in New Jersey could inspire me to pursue that path!

Move to another state perhaps? The mere thought is frightening. Not big into social gatherings, but I love my daily portions of people. The complete lack of it would render my mind, emotions, senses useless. Things were different when I was in Buffalo... I was studying at the University then, that's a whole different eco-system that you can never get over, regardless of what country you're in. But now, it would be impossible to move elsewhere. Elsewhere where there are no avenues open to meet people like in New York City...

I think the matter is quite simply stated - home is where the heart is. My heart is still in Nasik... I'll complain, hate it most days, but nothing can replace it... I'll always miss home... perhaps return to it someday when I've had enough of my "real-world" adventures...

Here's one for the motherland :)

Home of my dreams

I break into a cold sweat
At a lingering thread
Of a dream
Falling, weightless
Into the darkness -
In a short, abrupt scream

What of this fear?
Me, I walked away
From a place dearly loved
In search of a home
For my aspirations;
Anchored instead to a hostile cove

Perhaps, off-course,
But now my ship has sailed
Into an obscuring fog -
A warm blanket -
Whilst livid waves yip at its sides
Like an unfriendly dog:
My first mate at my side
He and I sealed our fate
To ride this storm together;
But the comfort it gives
Is dwindling; Will the warmth remain
After years of this dank weather?

Yes, I've walked away
From a place I loved:
Wine country, undiscovered
Little knolls, and tall grass;
In my backyard we loafed -
Me and my dogs, untethered
My head in their laps
Eyes on the blue clouds
Dreaming up a life
Of free choices, of travel
Hippie-dom, of being chic
Far from bourgeois strife

Yet in a blink my ship has sailed
There's no looking back:
Strangely bridled in my free rein
Unspoken, then cacophonic
Unclear, then vivid
Boundaries forever spring
Lying hopefulness
Of a lost childhood
No longer protects but stings
Truth sometimes bitter
Mostly bland, that once was
Pictured exciting

All this and then some
Part misgivings, part fear:
In their wake, wildly clutching
Frail gossamer strands
Of fragile childish wishes -
Made on falling stars, in evening skies -
For a home just like this one
Somewhere in Neverland.

As evening comes
Yapping pups and I
Return to a home once loved:
As the doors shut
I fall weightless into darkness
Jerk awake, back to my groove

(c) VedicVerses

For Whom the Bell Tolls

2006-01-23T16:53:00.000-05:00

Yet another tragic love affair
Began with a notably dignified air.
Amorous friends, I've made a few
Romantic tales painted grey-blue
Each one told avec savoir-faire!

Years have passed since puberty
All friends look to lose their liberty
Nuptial news float through my little town
Match-makers all too many abound
Anxious matriarchs swap ideas at the Rotary.

Winters are cool in this tropical place
Perfect setting for all that wedding lace
At dusk the elders gather for a collective swig
They feast, they sing, dance an inelegant jig
As the newly-weds swing to a different pace.

I share in their joys virtually
Slouching by a 17" screen
As the celebrations wind down
And seeds of future dreams are sown
I settle into a fleeting melancholy.

Life goes on for each new couple made
Soon out of touch with the class of '98
Is that the outlook?
Not a single pal off the hook?
From youthfulness to an aged jade?

In a corner all sulky and blue
Surfing sitcoms where friends are true
A gentle arm reaches out
Cuddles me as I pout -
Just one of those doldrums he often sees me through.

(c) VedicVerses

At the Shelter (For Saturn)

2005-12-30T12:09:00.000-05:00

Condescending smile
Devil-may-care strut
The hint of a child
Yet a mere mutt!

Fiendish lips twisted
In affected cruelty
Blue eyes suspended
In frozen vulnerability

She tossed her scanty mane
Perked her ravaged ear
Sniffed, unheeded she blew
Warmth into the cold air

"Love someone will ya", she
Whispered into a restrained soul
Slipped her back into her cage
Poured some treats into her bowl

There were things to do
Not much time to do them
But the smile lingered a while
To have gone just that much farther then

Wounds left scars
Neither could heal
But to begin a day thus
Was the best cut deal!

(c) VedicVerses

Saturn - The Dog that was almost ours!!

2005-12-21T14:08:00.000-05:00

Gosh! What a coupla days!!! Here's the lovable little Siberian Husky, who's got the spirit of a pup inside an adult dog body!!!

She's found someone who will foster her!! And am so glad... losing her would have been criminal of me!

Here's to you gal! Hope our paths cross again :)

Don't Quit - anonymous?

2005-12-07T16:40:00.000-05:00

Something I read on a Writer's network reminded me of a poem I had heard long ago called "Don't Quit". Its an inspirational piece and very uplifting at that. But when I researched it today, I was surprised to find that it is not universally accepted as a poem written by someone anonymous... wonder what the truth is...

Anyhow, I still love the poem today and wanted to post it to this blog so I never forget the words again. Enjoy!

Don't Quit

When things go wrong
As they sometimes will
And the road you're trudging
Seems all uphill
When the funds are low
And the debts are high
And you want to smile
But you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you
Down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit!

Life is queer
With its twists and turns
As everyone of us
Sometimes learns
And many a failure
Turns about
When he might have won
Had he stuck it out
Don't give up
Though the pace seems slow
You may succeed
With another blow.

Often the goal is
Nearer than
It seems to a faint
And faltering man
Often the struggler
Has given up
When they might have captured
The Victor's Cup
And they learned too late
When the night came down
How close they were
To the golden crown.

Success is failure
Turned inside out
The silver tint
Of the clouds of doubt
And you can never tell
How close you are
It may be near
Though it seems so far
So stick to the fight
When you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worst
That you musn't quit.

- Anonymous :)

Poem: Requiem

2005-12-05T20:43:00.000-05:00

I could sing you
A melody
Blow softly
On your brow,
Whisper
A euphony
Nestle kisses
Sweet and slow;

Seduce you with
A ritornelle
Play mischief
With looks!
...and here in the
Citadel
Sing hymns
From the books.

You could sing me
A ballad
Then lie by my
Side,
Cradled, hear my
Lullaby
Floating gently on
The night.

In this courtyard
Of cold memories
I've long learnt
To dread,
Weeping softly
By an elegy
I mourn a requiem
Instead.

(c) VedicVerses

** The picture is called "Contemplating" and was taken by Ashish Gorde who kindly lent it to me for posting to this blog. This poem was written for an exercise and inspired by this photograph.

Quotable Quotes :)

2005-12-02T11:32:00.000-05:00

Here are some really nice pieces of quotes that became my friends over time :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Origin: The Lord of the Rings

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Owner: Brendan Gill (journalist)

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An ode to my love - No One to Come Home to

2005-11-14T20:24:00.000-05:00

I sit in silence
Of the domestic kind
The dryer hums
As I unwind

A bourgeois living
In a banal shell
A lifeless stirring
The soul's pell-mell

A vow thus broken
The tryst no more binds
A commonplace death
Of selfhood unconfined

Tender and effete
All but a slave
Just a tissue within
A withered enclave

A hollow now, where
A heart once dwelled
A lifeless stirring
And the soul's pell-mell

I sit in silence
Of the domestic kind
The dryer turns
As I unwind

(c) VedicVerses

Fable - Third World and The Yokel

2005-11-09T20:18:00.000-05:00

Success at last!!

After a gruelling three hours of disciplinary action against my creative block, here's the outcome :) Not much considering the effort it required, but hey, its a respectably decent beginning!

Once there was, this third world place
Of crowded streets, little food and many a face.

A software town - home of the wicked and wise,
Outsourced jobs et al - the kind the First World despised.

'Twas here she lived , an ambitious yokel
Protagonist, an atheist - star of this fable.

Prepped for a job, she joined the workforce
Of a start-up firm - IT services of course!

And so her quest began; project-on-site her goal
Equivalent to, a frenzied spell at her console.

She IMed and worked, and then IMed some more.
Volunteered, networked, made friends galore.

Even then found the time to pine and to yearn
For all things in the First World she was yet to learn.

Finally, a smiling Karma and six months after
Found our yokel headed for the good 'ol Nor'Easter.

With arms wide open, for long the West had beckoned
Yet the charm wore out, sooner than she had reckoned!

Amidst cooking fumes and curries of lunch for the morrow
Our yokel pined again for her old home in sorrow.

N'er a happy ending is there to this tale
For the heart wants what it wants, regardless of locale!

Viva Globalization!

(c) VedicVerses

Disclaimer...

2005-11-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

All the prose entries made in the past few months on this blog are the result of the decay of the creative 1/100th portion of my brain. It is in no way a representation of how writers write nor how poets poet and certainly should not reflect badly on the people in my life and their effect on me! :)

While we're on the subject, I might add - I usually write well when I am depressed or angry with the world!!! As cheesy as this may sound, Harshad keeps me too content for my creative energies to exist at all. I blame Harshad :D His actions have now deprived this world of the hope of a great artist-in-the-becoming!

Hallow'en

2005-11-01T07:02:00.000-05:00

Thud! Thud! Trik or treeeeet... trik or treeeeeet!!

If any of this was meant to scare me let me explain what my response was... I tried to stop stuffing my face and jumped over the sofa arm and grabbed the candy basket all at once and all in such a rush because I was afraid - afraid that the little monsters will pass by my door on the 24th floor and not stop for all the candy I had prepared! :)

Ah! Hallow'en... all the Enid Blytonesque fancies coming alive... for my first Hallow'en as a respectable US resident. (My first one in Buffalo doesn't count cos I was just a poor student, living in student dwellings in a street where only students lived and Hallow'en celebration was all about getting drunk and hitting on scantily clad women on the college bus. I didn't live in a dorm, so I was spared the cultural shock of "experimentation" of American college youth! :) ) So well, an apartment poses a challenge to the creative mind or to a mind with the lack thereof. How does one decorate the only piece of your dwelling that strangers passing by will see... the door? You can't quite decorate the threshold without someone tripping over it and causing a fire in the narrow and well lit hallway - as Murphy watching over the person's progress will ensure! But one must do one's duty as a respectable apartment resident and not cause fires. So yes, that leaves only the door then.

Hm.

~Scratch Scratch~ (that was my head)

Oh well, d-uh! New-age technology means I have access to a printer! And borrowing other people's graphic ideas off of the web is no trouble at all - except for the very small pinch of guilt. So that's what I did... I printed all the images I could find and fit on my door, cut them out of the sheets of paper and pasted them on my door! Novel, isn't it :)

Well, what can I say... it worked!

It being Diwali and all that, I decided I had to do up the room a little bit too... So I dimmed the lights, put some tea-lights in the window sill in mismatched tea-light holders, put one in a special Hallow'en lantern that I bought on my way back from work, and put that and a little scarecrow figurine on a stool covered with a red pillow-cover right by the threshold, enough distance away from the door that I could open it all the way and share the display with the trick-or-treaters! Honestly, I just wanted to show off the view from my apartment in a subtle and indirect way. I tried everything except road construction signs to point in the direction of our little bay window (by whose window-sill stood the mismatched tea-light holders!!)

...but the first kid to stop by the door called my bluff. He crossed the threshold and peered at the lumbering view of the downtown, grabbed a handful of candy and wandered into the kitchen area to sniff out some more!Avarice in its purest and most innocent form!! Soon more little fairies blessed our home. Little angels grabbed and stared with mouths open at the big candy basket. Calculating little twerps, doing the simple logistical math and running route-tracking algorithms in their cute little heads - "hmm... it takes five minutes to go back home and empty my basket, five minutes plus two to get to the next door... but wait, mamma's expression says she won't be too happy; ok so I can grab about two fistfuls, still have room for two more at the next door and..." on and on, experiencing heady green monster of an emotion for the first time - we all live it but are too superficial to admit it- greed! Little boys , little girls - (fairies, bumble-bees, the beagle boys, lady bugs, ballerinas) staring at the wrapped splendour in red, green, yellow shining paper...

How did I profit from this endeavour? Well, I got a free valuation of my property from the best critics of course!

(c) VedicVerses

Meanderings...

2005-10-17T14:08:00.000-04:00

its been a while... yes once again... just wanted to pen (key!) something in...

This month on the 26th, it will be five months into a new phase of life. Can hardly believe it! Things HAVE changed, that's certain. But as usual, not in absolute terms... not in black or white... mostly in pastels... but yeah, admittedly some parts of grey as well. What I mean is, its wonderful to have found a soulmate... but a little unfortunate to have lost a little bit of my individuality. Not of course, because of the soulmate, but instead because of life itself!

I guess that is the outcome generally of moving into a different phase... or a different place?

This change of phase, also brought about a change in lifestyle, not entirely the result of marriage, but mostly as a result of changing geographies. Home is what the heart makes of it. I still feel a little uncomfortable in my shoes sometimes because of the all or nothing state of things.

I'm not doing a good job of explaining, am I?

I guess what I am trying to say is, would it have taken so long to create a new world of activities for us and for me, had we been in India? What makes it difficult to do out here in the US? Hopefully, that question is answered by mobility, and yet, I'm not so sure it will be. I mean, we live in the most happening of all places, don't we? Nothing is supposed to compare to New York, right? Well, I am beginning to feel a little differently... perhaps, Pune is more happening to me, simply because my roots are in India...

Oh well, to be perfectly honest, I'd never be quite so "comfortable in my own boots" no matter where I was... I seem to be stricken with an ever present sense of Wanderlust...

Wanderlust, where will you take me next???

The addiction of being alone

2005-07-29T11:48:00.000-04:00

She beckons
Beguiles
Embraces
And smiles.

Her wicked
Breaks homes
Binds you
To her rooms.

An addiction
She is
Independence?
Hah! you wish!

When You abandon,
She calls
Traps me
In her squalls.

Then one day
You weren't there
She spied me out
But I ran away.

Waking
I realize
You're still here
By my side.

But how long
Before
The lonely temptress
Will score?

(c) VedicVerses

The betrayal

2005-07-28T13:53:00.000-04:00

I waited
How long
I don't recall.
But time flew
And weariness
grew.

Along came
The one
I waited for .
Eyes red, forlorn
Countenance
worne.

Bit my tongue
As tales flew
Ragged.
Sputtering and jerky,
A heart emptied of fears.
Sordid. Murky.

Felt I both
Betrayal and pity
And I watched.
The drunken stupor
Of a forgotten friend
From before.

A voice lamented.
Begged and urged
"Fight on!"
But tempted by such intimacy
I proved once again
My fallacy.

(c) VedicVerses

The Sensitive Skill

2005-07-26T22:24:00.000-04:00

The difference between
Me and him
He's wise yet I
Am wiser still.
Not in the way
The laureates are
Simpler
In a village way by far.

His might herculean
His mind so swift,
Achilles, Alexander, Arjun-like his skill.
He knows not though
Neither reached the heights
A dear father achieved
To endure my sullen whims.

I know he's as deep
As his heritage allows...
Not deep perhaps
Like the ocean of my love;
Yet a wholesome smile
At my warm but uncooked rice
Would've made him king
Earned him the land of my soul.

(c) VedicVerses

A life just begun

2005-07-26T11:24:00.000-04:00

Here I was
The end of a phase of a beginning
Scribbling words, mundane.

My feelings, hmmmm...
Let me analyse them
And have it done.

Putting quill to paper
Or fingers to keys,
Stalling, procrastinating.

Ah! need to fetch
Such and such
The larder needs stocking.

Stop! get back!
Back to inking
Precious thoughts of past days.

Paralyzed mind
Furtively worked to get out of the "chore"
In a million ways.

Let me feel!
Let me deal!
Let this seem unreal!
Let it be a dream!
Screamed... My mind
- in defense of an innocent life just begun.

(c) VedicVerses

Absent Love

2005-07-05T13:20:00.000-04:00

Absent Love

Took the world in,
Through naked eyes,
But my own veiled truth
Never realized.

Dirt and shame grow,
From root to tree,
And so an absent love
Begins with me.

Too shallow to care,
Too selfish to know,
That I reap the fruits
Of the seeds I sow.

But for forgiveness and mercy
Stirring all around,
I had it not in me
To stand my ground.

I cannot run,
And I can't hide.
But I can rise above
This darkness inside.

I can't run
But I can fly!
I'll take my chances
With the unknown sky.

The whirling wind
May bring a friend,
But my loneliness
I must defend.

For I am at ease
With an absent love,
With it I'll make
My home above...

(c) VedicVerses

Bend of Mind

2005-07-05T12:37:00.000-04:00

Alrightey!!!!

Thought it was high time I got back to writing a little bit... Not been doing much really, except lazing around and enjoying the time spent this-a-way, cos its going to be a while before I really have a decent excuse to be lazy ;) Marriage is a perfectly justifiable one, but I can only stretch it so long :D

I'm suffering a serious case of writer's block at the moment, and find it therapeutic (creativity enhancing wise) to flip through some old poems written over the years... Been flipping and found a couple that seemed worth posting. Here's one called "Bend of Mind" - an apt description of what is decidedly the most complex and intriguing creature I ever met... the mind!

Bend of Mind

Curious bend of mind, mine.

Unorthodox in its constructions
Of a life whose loveliness is alive,
Yet:
Beautiful visions it distorts
In its own malicious way.
Fury and peace -
Can they mingle?
Oil and water like the combination.
But in my mind these unnatural siblings play
Heedless of their non-conformity.

Scary bend of mind, mine.

It reads like a picture - a work of modern art;
Stark and shocking patterns, but innocent in theme?
Hate, envy and their likes it loathes,
And yet
A boiling cauldron of these
simmers within.
Hate for what? - Life and all it stands for.
Culture, upbringing,
Parents, friends and lovers.
Yet so furiously attached to them it is.

Twisted bend of mind, mine.

Love it feels:
Frothing, bubbling,
Nubile, stinging.
Experiences left stains and dirty patches.
Confused, dazed
Vamp-like in its viciousness
Child-like in its guilt.
Helpless and smiling
All at once.

A curious store of thoughts,
This ticking time-bomb
This land-mine.

(c) VedicVerses

High time for some pearls of wisdom from a newbie at marriage ;)

2005-06-12T00:17:00.000-04:00

alright, alright... so a completely out-of-job script writer might try and pen a script out of this plot and make either a tear-jerker a la yash raj films, or a mundane "i-can't-for-the-life-of-me-understand-it" artsy movie. but my life immediately after marriage was in character... unconventional, free-flowing and an interesting journey. well, yeah, of course, for the most part for me!

well, since this blog is about me... i might as well go ahead and indulge myself, what say?? :)

so this particular story (of my marriage) begins with harshad calling me while i was on my bike, in the middle of mundane errands related to transitioning off from one job into another. so he goes "the consular officer has left my case pending, she suggested i get married to my girlfriend and bring her back for the interview, so we can both get our green cards together".

THAT - folks - was my marriage proposal!

well, of course, one has to be practical and so i said "could you let me park and get inside a cafe before running that by me again?" doing the right thing meant for the moment putting my confused head on a hold and letting my parents and harshad take over. believe you me, that was the most difficult and the most sensible decision i've ever made in my entire life!

its funny, somewhere along the way, so many things happened and changed my perspective on life, i'd quite forgotten what was my idea of perfect proposal, perfect soulmate and perfect marriage. yeah, i remember vaguely being strongly against the traditional hindu ritual of marriage and wanted to go for a chauvinism-free registered marriage. but that of course, couldn't happen in a day. (yep, we got married the next day after harshad proposed!) but honestly, i know i'm going to strut about my marriage for the rest of my life. this has been way beyond my dreams and my wishes - and for my life and how i want it to be, i can't think of any other way that i could possibly have married.

can't say i was reeling in love then - for the most part i was just confused as hell. but i guess it says a lot about harshad, if i went through it all without the remotest sense of panic and with complete faith in all that was going on around us. i mean yeah, i knew i hadn't thought it over, but i didn't have the stereotypical nagging feeling at the back of my head wondering if this was the right thing to do etc. there was just one sense of "ok gal, you gotta take some time out soon and think about all this and dounble-check that this is what you want". and that was pretty simple.

for the next few days, i'm just going to blog about stuff like this... cos there's so many little things that have happened over the last 15 days, that i simply must record. for honestly, after all this time and optimism and faith in myself, i've realised that every moment in time that i have called on myself to be patient, harshad has been worth the wait...

~harshad if you're reading this, STOP GRINNING! and DO NOT let it go to your head! :P ~

2005-05-24T09:05:00.000-04:00

RucHarshad

... welcome to my crazy world! Glad to have ya in it...

(c) VedicVerses

2005-05-24T09:04:00.000-04:00

Harshad and I

Here's the little devil and me! We've finally decided to tie the knot and torture each other's existence till death do us apart! Glad to have ya in my life, but beware dude! This ain't going to be a smooth ride ~gives an evil laugh~ ...

:)

(c) VedicVerses

Ironic is her inferiority!

2005-03-27T06:36:00.000-05:00

At home and yet not at peace was how I found myself this weekend. Not one to question reasons for my singlehood, my family is nevertheless a part of a circle which contiuously does... subtly and not-so-subtly. A well-wishing Aunt asked to speak with me, and I was touched. I was home after four months, y'see, and extremely prone to sentimentality as a result. I expected the usual "how's your job? how is life?" type of questions, but instead was faced with a blatant breach of that unspoken understanding, that my life was not up for discussion. So she riled me about getting older and that it would be too late later on to marry and get on with life - meaning giving birth to hopefully a name-bearer, no doubt! Now I've known Aunty for years, and have a soft spot for her as I always seem to have for elders who show even the smallest concern for my well-being. So was trapped between extreme anger at being thus interrogated, and feeling remorse that I was indeed from a small town where the be all and end all of the existence of those that I cared about was essentially "a girl should marry and get "settled" in life".

The strangest thing though is this.. till date I had been spared of such direct questioning of my single woman status! And I honestly believed that I would always get away with it, because somehow I was different!

How many decades ago was it that the liberation of womenkind began? How many trends have come and gone, to be ultimately replaced by "Tulsis" on the silver-screen?

I mean there is normalcy y'know to my existence as well... I do regret not having found my soul-mate, or having found and lost them several times and swallowing the stark reality that love is not necessarily an eternal emotion... I clinch at the thought of growing up and growing out of my child-like fantasies of romance... There's enough of that pain in my life. And a dear Aunt came along to remind me of yet another pragmatic truth.... that I was getting old, and fast, without having achieved anything - neither career-wise nor on the personal front!

Oh well, its times like these that poetry comes to the rescue I guess :) Found an old notebook that I had penned down some verses in... Penned another in it, and decided to post 'em all together on today's post.

Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I began with good intent

We all begin with good intent,
And so the man was born!
My mind it sowed the seed of love
In a land more fertile than bone...

A man I sought - I thought, I felt
A man I screamed to need,
Groaning, I soaked all his love
Alongwith that his weed.

A barren man, my eyes perceive
Barren, barren is my soul.
Emptied of, that something - coarser than lust
Coarser and completely unwhole!

I began with good intent
I began well indeed
I had a man, licked off the scraps
And lost a friend to need.

Perplexed I waited
For the friend to rise again
A Phoenix from the ashes of damnation -
Here ends my tale, for I'm waiting still
A witness to my own condemnation.

The man, the friend
Long gone, hearty and well-faring:
Laughing, looking on as I became
A victim of my own ensnaring.

(c) VedicVerses

Dedicated to a friend without whom I would have never woken up to face the realities of life and love. Thank you!

The irony of her inferiority

The woman, she is a good mason.
Skillful masonry enshrouds her
Yet, she leaves a key-hole open
To help man's perspective cripple her.

The woman, she is a good hawker.
She knows her wares so well:
Yet the man beats her in salesmanship
For all her communication, she cannot sell!

The woman, she's a good diplomat
She learnt tact the hard way:
Yet the man's unscrupulous wit
Beats her in politics everyday.

The woman, she is a good artist
Sensual, sentimental et al:
But the man can sell better copy
At the cost of the woman's downfall!

The woman, she is divinity
All goodness and beauty within:
But reigns Supreme does the man,
For he has not her conscience for a sin!

(c) VedicVerses

Random pieces of my work

Thoughts

We all sit
In this crowded place
Each mind travels
To places afar.
My mind draws a blank
No creation here
Yet its quiet belies
Perplexity and chaos.

Where do you want
to be, free thought?
What do you think
your thoughts should be?
Wondering, wandering
Such painful emptiness
Yet revelling are thee?

Patience and adaptation
Long lost friends
Where do I find you?
Why must I find you?

Adolescent Heart

A squirrel in my heart
Scurries up and then down
Never a sign does it show
Of a smile nor a frown.

It goes about, collects love
Like acorns in summer,
Yet knows that love is like a bubbly
Unscrew and the fizz always dies by winter.

But this squirrel of a heart
In its scurrying, found a friend or two
The fizz was gone thats the honest truth
But come winter, she hoped love would burst anew.

(c) VedicVerses

Sign of the times

2005-03-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

A very beautiful piece of theory came my way recently - called "The Stockdale Paradox". Mr. Collins spoke of it in his book "Good to Great"... After a bout of my usual cribbing, a sympathetic friend sent me a link to a fellow blogger's page, which I will be so rude as to post the link to in mine...

http://bnoopy.typepad.com/bnoopy/2005/01/startups_and_th.html

Could not come up with an appropriately topical poem. Here's the best I could think to post. Hope you enjoy it...

Sign of the times

Earth's colors are far too many
Zest and energy, yet slow and calm.
Heart and soul here mingle as one really
Yours and mine is one and nothing - the psalm.

Call of the wild, of the untamed instinct
Dare devilry? No! a plain struggle to survive;
Zealous like the wind blowing strong in my face is
The power that keeps Man alive.

Yet, gone are the days of such oneness with the wild
Zanny clothes and discos replace original sin.
So lost in an artificial world
So far from ourselves
Xeroxes of every ideology thats "in"!

Zooming sportscars replace the agile horse
Movies replace vistas and views,
Aren't many the times when one feels the guilt? Yet,
A popular mix of sin and transgression we choose.

Undoing is far too tough to be done,
Doing is easy, things that need to be undone.
Praise those few originals, shall we? Having done -
Replace our own ethics by those we see!

Zebra patterns of black and white there are not
Pachydermous greys must loom large all around;
And yet,
Xeroxes of pretty young things, I spot!

(c) VedicVerses

Les Femmes Fatales!

2005-03-16T00:07:00.000-05:00

Often have I, blamed fate for being born in the wrong gender!!!!! I mean I haven't your usual girlish qualities at all you know... Not coy, foot-in-mouth most of the time... say the first thing that comes to mind - completely naive and tactless.. And then as I catch myself thinking and over-analyzing I go "Eureka! There it is! My womanly quality comes to life after all!!"

Its true... we're complicated - us womankind. Often we're the wet blanket too am sure... especially when our "better" halves dream up all these fantastic machismo ideas of fun!!! I know I do it.. and my sister and Ma are guilty of this particular "crime" quite often as well :)

But hey! in our defense, when even as thirty-somethings, when the guys want to snuggle with their little blankies and be molly-coddled, we're the ones who keep a straight face, and offer warm milk and coaxing words as needed, don't we???? So what're you complaining about??? LOL!!

The kind of women I've been around and loved having around - have always been very very special. At once, grounded and lofty, poignant and child-like... and perpetually sweet natured, spirited and never cruel... how could I then not revel in the gift that life has thus granted me? I cherish this gift... I LOVE BEING A WOMAN!

Me and Dog :)

(c) VedicVerses

Murphy's Law!

2005-02-10T00:25:00.000-05:00

...just when you thought things couldn't get any worse.... they did! :)

Was going to be poetic about good 'ol Murphy... but was invited instead to watch a friend's brother's wedding ode to his wife! The guy's creative if anything!! That certainly brought a huge smile to my face early this morning :)

Here's what I feel like today -->

The Reluctant Rebel

A rebel
I didn't want to be
But there it was, the path
All laid out for me.

Just wanted
To scamper and play
Instead I must bear
The burden of war this day.

I stepped out
With my heart full of love
And my little feet
In the 9th cloud above.

Alas, as I turned
The corner, was I
Accosted by an ugly idea
And an intolerable lie.

So you see, I sought not
Rebellion this day,
But "Rebel" the role,
Fate cut out for me to play.

(c) VedicVerses

Vanity is fair...

2005-02-05T04:14:00.000-05:00

Beauty

Arched eyebrows,
Pale face,
Gaunt and pulled to the bone.
Irregular features
But serene and calm
And fairy-like
In her sorrow.

Ethereal and beyond
She looked the picture of the protagonist
of her unspoken fantasies.
Her smile so warm
And stunning in its expression
Of absent emotions.

The irony of life
With its "everything
And nothing"
Seemed to tease
Her lips
Into a half-smile.

Eyes glistening
Yet not a single tear-drop
Fell.
The abandonment of
Her gait - her every movement
Proved that anything
beautiful
Must come at a high price.

Perchance
My eyes fell
On her:
And startled
I heard
The mirror crack.

(c) VedicVerses

Some disturbing lines....Part I

2005-02-04T07:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes one has very disturbing thoughts... disturbing moments, confusion rules heavily in phases... that's sometimes when one paints violent pictures with simple words...

Here are a few attempts at that: Part I

Shhh! That's my dream...

Silence is the gist in my dream
Commotion cannot fit in my dream
Noises cannot touch my sweet dream
Voices? There's nothing like it in my dream
Soundless and still it may seem
But I'm moving to a rhythm like you've never seen.
That's my dream.

Running away from reality
Burning away is this pain within me.

Loneliness seems a part of my dream
But its the essence not a part like it seems
That's my dream.

Sweet love don't try to step in
You'll be burnt to a cinder from the fury within.

Darkness cannot touch this dream
Whirlwind of emotion is my dream
Sunlight ain't there, though its bright
Rainbows don't exist, though there's light
That's my dream.

Scared from the frightening thunders outside
In a shell, safe and sheltered I hide
That's my dream.

Confusion if exists, I've my dream
Agony if persists, I've my dream
Dry from the showers of this world
My dream holds close a frightened little girl.
That's my dream.

Do you understand my dream?
Do you hear the silent scream?
Of the wordless song in my dream?

Shhh! That's my dream...

(c) VedicVerses

I'm Scared...

I'm scared.
Of fog-horns
And silent screams,
Of soothing mists
And flowing streams.

I'm scared.
Of reality
Not so sublime
Pragmatism
And everything Divine.

I'm scared.
Of Frailty
And uncommon strength
Of doing things too straight
Or by stealth.

I'm scared.
Of flower-gardens
And hell fires
Of stagnant feelings
And furious desires.

I'm scared.
Of innocent love
And guilty passions
Of obstinance
And mute submission.

I'm scared.
Of dreamy smiles
And volcanic tears
Of thrashing about
From all my fears.

I'm scared.
Of gaining droplets
And losing seas
Of searching myself
And losing me.

(c) VedicVerses

The Effigy: Ever feel like the cross was too heavy to bear???

2005-02-01T04:30:00.000-05:00

Hmm... trouble is a kid is never content when life drags by... well at least this one isn't! :) Waiting and watching and waiting and watching... Yeah, it lulls me to a sleepy, lackadaisical state of mind. I just hope am not missing out on any lessons just cos I'm too bored with things going wrong, that I don't care to sit up and notice them! :)

I feel now like my soul's a free bird up in the air watching the chaos of my life with a sardonic eye...

Here's one for the day.. it was published once long ago in a literary journal called "The Quest"...

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Effigy

All the roads home are blocked,
They are burning an effigy.
A closer look and I see
An effigy of me.

Its burning up in flames
(Am I burning up inside?)
So many ready matches strike the light
The effigy is of me alright!

I cared for you so much
I guess you couldn't tell;
I turn to ashes as you watch
The effigy burn in flames of hell.

Her hand didn't play a part
In lighting the flame I became
But perhaps she was the sculptress
And created the effigy out of shame.

All the roads home are blocked
They are burning an effigy,
I need no closer look
I know the effigy is of me.

© VedicVerses

Don't dream its over...

2005-01-24T04:29:00.000-05:00

Loved this song by "Sixpence None The Richer"... needed it today, thought I would share.....

----------------------------------------

Don't dream its over

There is freedom within, there is freedom without

Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost

But you'll never see the end of the road

While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

To build a wall between us

We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof

My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof

In the paper today tales of war and of waste

But you turn right over to the T.V. page

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum

And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart

Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof

Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

To build a wall between us

Don't ever let them win

Love...

2005-01-23T22:26:00.000-05:00

Years before I wouldn't have dreamt of doubting my ability to have crushes and falling in and out of love... The world then seemed to be filled with "Tom Cruises" waiting to be discovered :)

But there's something about being 26 and managing self-earned money, time, parents, friends and lovers that kills something of that naivete inside. Life right now seems to be full of uphill climbs trying to please people...Where's that little kid who kept asking everyone to go fly a kite and didn't care? Maybe she realised that she did care, but caring never seemed to be enough. Regardless of the receiver of that caring, it had to be unconditional, blindly loyal, constantly smiling despite circumstances and situations, devoid of self-hurt and retribution and much too much daunting than she had realized...

Well here's to the young lover of yester-years...

Once before...

A young lover sings a lover’s song
As quaint as mine was once before

Finally a lover, life made me
Not as young as I’d like to be
Nor as quaint as once before.

Years, they took the youth away
Years, they mocked me to grey
Something cold, blew the days
Over this heart I knew, once before.

My love sees just the good
Sees a child, that once stood
In my stead, long ago, once before.

My love sees not the hard stone
But hopeful eyes from once before.

© VedicVerses

What am I? The Frustration Sponge??

2005-01-17T10:27:00.000-05:00

Funny thing about an "open" corporate environment is that the 360 degrees feedback loop brings with it a 360 degree level of exposure to people's personal frustrations! Doesn't help that you're the worst piece of frustrated corporate rat-racer yourself, but you've got to "understand" everyone else's frustration, cos the people who care about you think you can! Gosh! I never thought being an independant woman-of-the-world was going to be so crappy!!!!

Oh and of course my conditioning will be bent to impose upon me "fair" thoughts of "I have it better than so many others"!!!! Geez! Sometimes I just want to "earth" some thoughts right into the ground where they belong anyway!

So did I fail? I'm a supposed people person, a lover of all beings, unbiased and compassionate... and yet I failed! Didn't I? AAAAAAAAAah! This had better be a lesson in life I don't ever have to re-learn!

Well, here's an addition to my diminishing list of poems as yet unpublished on this blog....

Marriage

Like any pair
Married too young,
This awkward knot
Was tied and begun.

Questions poured,
What pleases, makes content
An unhappy love's heart
When every action was well meant?

What irked and
Brought on the ire?
To have them thus displeased
What was it that transpired?

These questions will burn
As they do for anyone,
Who married too young
Hoping to love someone.

They will disappoint
And the heart will wonder why
Of all the knots in the world
Just this one it did tie!

And yet inescapable
This journey is, it knows
As lesser of all evils
Is the one it chose.

Such is my marriage
In my awkward heart, a gulf.
Yet so curious it is
For I'm only married to myself!

© VedicVerses

Arab Horse... c'est moi for the day!

2005-01-12T08:49:00.000-05:00

Here I am, this is me... born wild and free! Feel like an Arab Thoroughbred that Ben Hur might ride to conquer Messala's betrayal! :)

One of those days, when I need to get messages across and am getting killed over trying to be politically correct. So why can we not just say what we want and accept that there maybe more than just the narrator's perspective to any story... Why are we so bound? Argh! Some friends will sound like a dear mother once did, when bringing you up! Well, it pays to listen to them I assure you, but it sucks big time to have to!

Oh well and the message was across... not so politically correct, not without a few ruffled feathers... and today, just for today, it doesn't feel so bad :). I know things won't stay that way, I know there's a price to pay, I know there'll be a few scars... but for today : Here I am, this is me! An Arab horse galloping till my heart will just burst! Riding the wind! With my mane flowing, and my eyes on fire! :) Reckless and wild.... just heading for a scar..

SCAR

Sometimes you wish upon a star,
And bring yourself to where you are -
Seek comfort in your own fenced in life
No more dreaming of paradise.

Yet some promises your old self still makes,
Within a day those it promptly breaks;
Yet couldn't have known before the time
When from responsibilities, you so unceremoniously decline.

Forgive me dear friend, this is who I am
I am a pearl comfortable in my clam.
A pearl like you, in a clam like yours
Just as afraid of any further scars.
Forgive me, this is what life is for
To hurt and be hurt, without a scar.

© VedicVerses

A companion in the New Year!

2005-01-10T00:48:00.000-05:00

Power of the subconscious mind says... you are what you think! Interesting belief that! So here I am, thinking of myself in a phase in life where I want to be.. thinking hard, focusing on positives - one thing I like about positives for sure is that they're a lot more fun than the negatives... I know, I know... whatever! :) Well coming back to the moot point... is it possible that nothing is really not in our control? I guess these philosophies go bust when we apply them to "outcomes", as against to the internal effect it has on us that may bring us to ignore or grab not so obvious opportunities after a tremendous failure or setback... You know what movie comes to mind? "Life is beautiful" - Benigni is a genius!

And so we work hard... we know we want "companionship", but compromise at a certain age is quite difficult to do. And in our prude little countryside, companionship can only equal something as impractical as an "eternal relationship"!! Anyone watch Vaada? The very fact that a supposedly brilliant mind like Amisha Patel (gold medallist in economics I believe she is??) can even utter an incongruent line like "I hope I am married to you for the rest of my 7 lives" is not really about playing a part well, could it be? It seems like its just incongruencies like that in our society and the changes we face today in a "globalising" world... and no room or provisions made in our societal setup to fit these and assimilate these incongruencies and change it to a more harmonious whole - maybe that's the key.

K... I could go on blahing about this stuff.. but just wanted to talk about a dear friend of mine very quickly.. i got this bamboo shoot for my birthday from her, i'd wanted one for soooooooooooooo long!!!! We've had our highs and lows in life, but well we really love each other too... she asked me to call this bamboo shoot "rini" - indebted for whatever love I had to offer the helpless little green life ... and its true, such undemanding and easy-to-please companions are so hard to find! Well, so dear friend Rini is now an inseperable part of my life :) starting this new year!

Here's a poem for the day, aptly called "Companion" ;) -->

Companion
-----------------

His eyes commit treason
With every glance he steals,
Betraying the warm secrets of his heart...

Eyebrows twitching, traveling eyes -
Taking in every detail, this spy satellite!
Without a single movement of his head.

Hair cropped short, like a distinguished army man.
Ears alert like a black commando with a gun!
Though lean he wears
His clothes to advantage:
Impressing a dangerous creature
Lurking the depths of his sinews.

But for his button-nose
He might've looked severe,
What a runny nose too!He's a constant sniveler!

In the cold corners of the night,
I snuggle up to my companion;
The four-legged creature
Aptly called man's best friend!

© VedicVerses

Selfish little brat!! :)

2004-12-29T23:25:00.000-05:00

.. c'est moi!!

Tsunamis, Marriage...

2004-12-28T22:43:00.000-05:00

Natural Disaters... my next pet peeve after pythons under my bed! Silly me! I'd thought it couldn't get worse than bellowing winds of twisters and towering infernos.... Something as simple as moving a broad-rimmed tub of water wasn't something I'd counted on scaring this robust little world of ours... So we mourne for the loss of lives, the missing millions, and the wiped out tribes. We fear the continuity of our species when our progeny is the worse hit... One little world in this big bad universe... we're just one little world and just one insignificant species sharing and usurping the space of a zillion other life forms in this one little blue world...

...just one little world in a big bad universe... and guess what's a bigger problem on a preoccupied little insignificant mind like mine? Guilt! Guilt for not believing in the system of "arranged marriage" and yet going ahead with it just cause I haven't the guts to not want a "family".... When I think of it, how long will I live? For a finger snapping moment by universal standards... Just like a little insignificant little brown moth, who'll live the lifetime of 12 hours! Why do we waste our lives so? Why?

Not quite related to the topic of infernos and tsunamis... but here's a poem.. hope you enjoy this one too...

Why?

Why does famine strike a personal domain?
While cool rain spills on an evergreen plain?

Why do slight tremors cause
A mind to bend?
Though a thousand earthquakes
It could easily mend?

Why?
When rose-gardens flourish
Without a weed,
Will thorns prick undaunted
And a soul must bleed?

Why?
When reality has turned into
A fairy tale,
Nightmares come true
Like a wicked spell?

Why?
Just when the heart learns to leap
O'er trivial pain?
Does fate turn tables
Bringing abandonment again?

And why?
When cool rain may spill on every evergreen plain,
Must famine strike a personal domain?

© VedicVerses

Blessed Sleep!!

2004-12-15T04:45:00.000-05:00

Didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night... Feel like a zombie in my chair at work... smiling benign smiles at everyone... half awake... lying back, sinking lower and lower into my chair... Someone once said to me "give you a corner, any corner... and you'll get cozy"... Yeah feel like a well-fed lazy cat right now... people around me almost hear me purr! :)

Sleepless night? not quite... I have sleepless mornings, I'm in perpetual jetlag usually when something's on my mind! :) So what's on my mind... I could say work, personal life and rant on and on about that... but the bottom-line is, I spent all morning at being perplexed... Why when I've been in a situation more than once, I stumble into it all over again. Days like these I just feel such a mouse, with some vague sorcerer playing the cat's role and pawing at my poor life gleefully!!

C'est la vie I suppose! Here's one for the day:

The Tubelight in My Room

Prefer the luminous darkness of the skies -
Sparklers shedding light,
Like an overly made up lass.
Its artificiality is pleasing,
Not an eye-sore
Like the phony light of my room.

Switch it off? Like unpleasant thoughts?
Yes, at least for a while I could.
But just as I can't move on
Without dealing with a corn on
The little toe of my foot -
It must come back to haunt me
As dusk falls and night approaches.

The slender white fluorescence
Stirs devilish emotions, within me.
Fears and inhibitions pounce on me,
As it sheds itself, on my kingdom.

Powerless ruler of the 8 by 10 am I,
Struggling to hold on to the last shreds
Of sanity: but the phony light prevails
As the minutes tick by at snail's pace.

At last! the hour is up
And I must put up with it no more!
Saying my last words for the day, throwing kisses...
My fingers itch to do murder -
By the click of a button!
I hear a manic laugh
In the depths of my consciousness...

There! the deed is done!
I snuggle into place
In feverish anticipation
Of the heavenly sights I have long wished for,
In the stead of the crummy tube-light!

But the beastly thing has the last laugh,
While silently fading into extinction...
For no sooner do I lay my head on the pillow that
My eyelids drop like heavy anvils
And I fall deep into slumber!

(c) VedicVerses

A strange place, this world is...

2004-12-14T05:36:00.000-05:00

Am thinking of all those times I've created little worlds out of the world I have around me... finding little niches and cracks to fit in and be snug in it... Everytime it evolves, my niches and cracks don't exactly expand... just change or close or are taken up by someone bigger and stronger... and then like a little defenseless molusc I have to find another home for my dreams and joys.

So you're thinking... what's so strange about that? doesn't everyone go through a cycle like that.. I haven't got the statistics on that :) ... But I frankly wonder how many do find happiness in this ever-changing kaleidoscope of niches and cracks... What is indeed strange about life to me is... no matter how many tears I've shed, or tantrums I've thrown at having to change my molusc-shell... after all that hysteria, I've always ended up finding one more gorgeous crack full of happiness and new learnings, which will seem to want to be there for an eternity. But now I know that its not here to stay, but hey! the prospect of the next gorgeous little homestead for my dreams has only just begun to get exciting!!

Here's a poem for the day called "Four Walls"... inspired a little bit by Lord Tennyson's "The Flower"....

Four Walls

Once sometime ago
Four walls got built,
Bang in the middle of a beautiful plain;
On the soft green earth
The walls stood strong,
With well-meant intentions of protecting from rain.

But a wall's a wall
not a roof on the head,
Which might've served better
Standing on four thin poles.
A roof without four walls,
Four walls without a roof...
Funny how the perversion ran unnoticed
Of the two switched roles!

Anyways,
The bellicose walls
Faced the belligerent clouds,
With broadened shoulders
And knitted brows;
But in no time drenched
And wet to the brick
The walls quivered
With their anger aroused.

And the green earth smiled...

And the green earth smiled,
While the clouds let out a roar
Only to make way
For a gentle sun.
Though tired with the effort
But in character adamant,
The victorious walls succeeded
In blocking out some picteresque fun!

(c) VedicVerses

2004-12-14T03:21:00.000-05:00

Moi

(c) VedicVerses

I, Me, Myself

2004-12-13T10:18:00.000-05:00

Here I am... this is me... :)

A friend just pinged me, and in his very words pointed out some new roads to me .. am glad he did. I find this endless rambling awesome and a great relief in a way that makes me go in my head "finally! finally! i can be eccentric and actually get away with it".

Am not very exciting with prose... poetry is my forte. I call that lack of imagination, cos I can only write about myself and my experiences. Am not very selfless as you can tell. Over the years though I've started noticing things like technique and I have a roving eye for words that are like a song - melancholy ... enthralling ... drowning ... musical. I don't actually collect words... but they stick in my head, and I wait for a moment - the right moment - to use them. Take requiem for example... such a beautiful word... haven't found a context for a poem yet where I can put that in... This blog already has one poem that I made my friend the "path-finder" ;) to pick and place... here's another called Friend that some of my friends have really liked..

Friend

Need you somewhere
A shadow in the aisles
When I take my stage
With your dignity in my eyes.

Although maybe never again
To see or to hear,
Yet in every way will seem
So comfortably near.

Strength not in words
But in my actions see,
Be not so much a relative
As a dear friend to me.

Allow me to grow,
Let me take my blows,
Be my healer, Sweet,
And not a shield to those!

(c) VedicVerses

Towards What?

2004-12-13T09:08:00.000-05:00

The storm it brews
A wicked one,
Grey matter above
Hides the sun...
Yet onwards I sail
Lost in thought,
Surging ahead
But towards what?

Ahead says she
Is who I am,
Ahead says he
The best ones swam;
Ahead I reach
Only to find
Grey matter and storm
I left behind...
Yet onwards I sail
Lost in thought,
Surging ahead
But towards what?

I take to oars
While the broom I seek,
Slicing the ocean floor,
Timid and meek.
With a broom
I'd sweep the sky,
Stare at the sun
Till it hurts my eye.
The hurtful sun
Is welcome but,
In this blinding dark
I would not strut.
Yet onwards I sail
Lost in thought,
Surging ahead
But towards what?

(c) VedicVerses